WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize