he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
