WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
