i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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