I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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