why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
There are leaves in my underwear?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
