It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
