That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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