no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
