i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
