i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
