I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
