talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
