the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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