guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize