She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
