i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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