listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
