he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
