Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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