Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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