In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
