He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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