You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
