Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize