do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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