What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
