You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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