While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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