I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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