my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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