I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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