I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
