two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
