You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
