Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
