so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
