On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
