I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
