I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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