Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
