there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
