I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
