we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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