Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
