I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
