He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
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