so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
