Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
