my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
