Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
