I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
