It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
