Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
