I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
