I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
