she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
