drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
