Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
