lets start a swedish sibling band together
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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