so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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