I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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