I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize