I'm jealous of your bromance
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
