saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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