girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
