u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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