Jerry, you need to find god
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
