Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
