"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
